If I Could Steal Your Pain Canvas

“The Up-Side of Down” was inspired by a 2009 assault and battery that hospitalized me with multiple facial fractures, severe eye trauma, and a concussion. My signature icon, which I saw flashing in my head during the concussive state, is a key repeating element in this series that represents life growing from death and discovering the positives in negatives.

This painting reflects on the desire to take away someone else's pain. Sometimes we can't handle or don't know how to deal with our own pain, yet we're still willing to shoulder someone else's in the effort to lighten their burden. Everyone has pain, some just hide it better. Some experience more in a day than anyone should have to face in a lifetime. Learn to use that pain as fuel, for yourself and for others. If you can do that, that pain can heal your hurt.

This painting is dedicated to my best friend, muse, and the woman I loved. This is dedicated to Deanne Hastings, who tragically disappeared in 2015 and has yet to be found. It is suspected that she was murdered but there has been no closure to date.

Deanne always called me her "Wings" and is the reason I have them tattooed on my back. I just wish I could have there for her this last time when she really needed me most. I could sense the call was going to come, but it never did, and part of me knew why. I've always felt that I failed her by not being there that last time, though I wanted to be and would have been. I think one of the reasons I work so hard is because of Deanne. I always tried so hard to impress her and make her proud. The last time I saw her, she told me she was. I will forever do whatever I can to keep her spirit alive through my creations. She is now my "Wings" and my angel. I love you Deanne.

Deanne inspired a number of my my best and most personal paintings. I keep reminders of her in my studio, including the last postcard from a tribute exhibition I did for her in 2010 that portrays the very first painting she ever inspired, "Midnight Dancer (Take Me Away)." I also have her handprints from her last visit, which she placed on my "10 Year Floor Canvas," framed and always within view. I will never part with those. The remainder of the paintings she inspired were sent to her family for her children to one day have...happy and beautiful memories of their mother.  

Other paintings inspired by Deanne:

Fractured Realities And Dreams Brought To Light

Getting Back To Where I've Never Been (Coeurd'aleuer)

You Called Out For Me And So I Came To You (The Dreamer And The Night Terrors)

On The Broken Road Between Reality And Truth

As The Caged Bird Sings

Chasing The Gate (Searching For Deanne)

Beneath The Wings Of Free Swan (Deanne's Song)