A Self-Portrait Of Depression In Honor Of Mental Health Awareness Month
In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I wanted to share something beneath the paint. On the floor and perhaps a bit obscured by what surrounds it is a self-portrait. It's a self-portrait of depression. What may appear as just a solid black color field is actually a deep blue. It has a shimmer when the light hits it just right. Most people will just see black though and not take a closer look. It also has textures or "scars" that influenced how it came to this state and what it will become. It wasn't always blue. It wasn't always like this. Days before it was a bright yellow with ochre and sky blue accents...but something didn't feel quite right. Something was off. Sometimes things are just off and a wave of blue crashes over us, leaving us in an Indanthrone haze with a hint of Payne's Grey. It doesn't have to last forever, but it may not change today, or tomorrow, or next week. Sometimes it is only by allowing ourselves to feel that blue, in acknowledging it, that we are able to deal with it and work through it. That blue is a part our story and we shouldn't have to hide it. At the same time, only you can change your blue. Only you can add the other colors of the palette and shape your colorful composition. There is a plan for this blue, for this this self-portrait. Things may not play out as planned. They certainly didn't start out as planned because this wasn't the original vision. This is where things are though, a blue base, and only you can choose how you respond to your circumstances and how you will move forward. This is a self-portrait of depression. It may be a reflection of you or it may be someone you know. It is often me and it is my self-portrait. It is my current work in progress.