For the past month or so I just wasn't feeling much of anything. Everything was just a very grey haze. I'm often asked by other people, artists and non-artists, how to work through those periods and the advice I usually give is that sometimes you just have to work through it, even when you're not feeling it...that you condition yourself and build the habits & rituals to work your way out of it. I know as well as anyone though that when you're in that place, you can feel trapped...paralyzed...and so it's much easier said than done. Sometimes the idea of getting up, moving, or even having a single moment of clarity seems completely out of reach and unfathomable.
I'm a big believer that you have to allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling to push through it. Feeling the way I did, I didn't want to diminish it, but I did want to work through it. In part, that meant having to accept and acknowledge what I was feeling...in this case, very grey. This led to a painting very different from what many are accustomed to seeing from me. Normally working in a very emotive, saturated, and sometimes manic color palette, you don't often see a tremendous amount of neutrals in my creations. Since grey is what I was feeling though, grey was the only path out of that grey...my silver lining.
Working through this painting and fully acknowledging what it was I was feeling with brutal honesty was, I believe, the only thing that allowed me to pull myself out of it. Sometimes getting out of that state takes longer than others...sometimes a minute, sometimes an hour, sometimes a week, sometimes a month, sometimes a year, and sometimes even longer. We don't always have the clear answers or paths we desire...but we move towards them regardless so long as we still have even a single breath within us.
I'm here to tell you that there is a way out. It all starts with an open embrace of where you are so you can pinpoint your starting point, why you're there, and then deciding where you want to go and how you're going to get there. I'm very aware how overwhelming that can be so it all starts with a single step and a conscious and decisive action of self-awareness. Knowing where you are makes it a lot easier to figure out where you're going...even if you're not entirely sure where you want to go yet. You'll get there...have faith.
Choosing to see my grey as an opportunity, that darkness is transformed into my light, my silver lining. I'm here as living proof that there is hope and to also tell you that it is perfectly okay to feel grey. I'm also here to tell you that there is hope and that your silver lining may be just beyond the horizon so hold on...keep going...keep fighting. I hope my journey and sharing my story may aid you with your own.